Once upon a time, I looked at the world around me and noticed that everything was wonky as fuck.
I saw people spending a majority of their lives at jobs they disliked or at the very least found unfulfilling, living for the weekends and sparse vacations… hoping that someday when they retired, maaaaybe then they could really live their life.
I observed insanely creative people with talent wasted… drifting away like plumage in the breeze, essence and inspiration quashed due to random acts of dream smashing and societal nay-saying.
I noted the state of “love” in romantic relationships; appearing more like bondage and fear than freedom and sweet ecstasy.
... and I said,
"FUCK THIS SHIT"
From a very young age I could not make sense of the way things were being done in the world around me; with all of the planning, and schooling, and rules, and collecting of things. I was never one of those girls who spent her childhood dreaming of her wedding and naming her future babies.
I never even thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I most certainly was not ever motivated by money, accolades, or prestigious titles.
I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.
I WANTED FREEDOM.
Because of this, I was stamped as rebellious, troubled, and irresponsible.
Then, at the age of 20, I had a baby and everything changed...
By virtue of being a member of society, I’d been imprinted with ideas of what makes a good parent and what makes a bad parent. Because I was madly in love with this little girl, I tried vigorously to shake myself free of the labels from my youth, so to be the best Mama possible.
I tried my damnedest to be a ‘stand-up citizen’... for my daughter.
I got to work building a successful career, I bought my ‘white-picket fenced’ country house and married a doting man - I got myself the "American Dream"... (or at least, the midwestern dream)
I’d done everything that was required of me and yet midway through my twenties, I awoke sad and unfulfilled.
I had a calling in my heart to leave and pioneer a trail that was unique unto me, but my conditioning told me it’d be selfish; that’s not what a good mother does.
I cried and pleaded to a God I didn’t even think I believed in for the answer to this unbearable riddle: stay and sacrifice myself for the sake of my child… or follow my heart.
THE REPLY TO MY QUERY WAS THIS:
Your most important job as a mother is to encourage your daughter to trust her inner guidance & be true to her authentic self.
At that moment I knew I could not preach without doing. I knew that the only way I could help my daughter follow her heart was to follow mine.
This began my journey to true liberation…
as well as the “mystery schooling” I would require for my future career as a mentor & a minister.
I ditched that "midwestern dream life" and became wholeheartedly & undeniably devoted to existential studies & self-exploration.
I then spent the next 15 years obsessively pouring over all manners of religions, philosophies, quantum physics, psychologies, and new age creation principles; using my own life as a laboratory, applying what I learned to continuously bust free from my own limitations, challenge the status quo, defy odds, and materialize resources where there were once none.
I sold everything I owned multiple times, became a bonafide gypsy, showed up in towns all across the world oftentimes with no money, no job, no possessions + knowing practically no one... all while being a single mother.
I experienced and transcended divorce, depression, poverty, homelessness, heartache after heartache, eating disorders, and addictions to men + alcohol. I endured, survived and learned major life lessons from two major injuries including breaking my back & busting my thigh bone into two pieces.
And through it all,
no matter how tattered my spirit may have been at times, I never EVER gave up on my quest for the life that whispered to me quietly in the night.
From my perspective, I had two options:
#1 keep going
That may sound dramatic, but it was my truth…
and honestly, became my biggest motivating factor which pushed me through fear and gave me the courage to leap with no sight of the ground below, over and over and over again.
It took many years of devotion to the deep cleansing of my inner house and to the telling of radical new stories about myself before I found the liberation, peace & prosperity I sought.
Today, my life is incredible and getting better & better in every way as I continuously tidy up within and fine tune the tales I tell.
I am addiction free, I honor myself and my body & I feel younger all the time. I do work I fucking adore from anywhere in the world I desire & am compensated lucratively. My days are leisurely and nurturing and spent with my favorites; my 19-year-old daughter/sister/best friend, McKenzie; my handsome King from beyond my wildest dreams, Aaron & his adorable 10-year-old son, Legend.
I live wherever I want to live. I don't do anything I don't care to do. I spend my time drinking flat whites, dining on colorful foods, getting pampered, engaging in dynamic conversations, reading books, watching sherbet sunsets, bronzing myself, wandering the planet, writing transformational poetry, moving my body in a multitude of ways, making love, and laughing hysterically…
but even more important than ALL of that:
I'M AT HARMONIOUS REST IN MYSELF
I KNOW all that I seek is within and can never be taken away.
I KNOW that the universe has my back and that I'm infinitely safe and supported at ALL TIMES.
I KNOW that anything I desire is mine for the having, if only I'm willing to ask and receive.
.... THESE are treasures worth far more than any external acquisition or lifestyle could ever be, and it's available to us all.
WANNA KNOW THE MOST HILARIOUS PARADOX OF ALL?
Once you find the treasures you seek within, your life can't help but mirror back to you, in physical form, all that you thought you had been wanting.
If I can find my holiest of grails through the unlikeliest of odds & the trickiest of circumstances, I truly believe that anyone can.
NO LIMITS. JUST LOVE.
(Your Limitless Living Evangelista)
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