I woke up this morning with a beach hangover.
Skin tight, lips cracked, dehydrated, foggy, salty, smokey, sandy.
My weekend was spent posted by a campfire
built in a hole dug from the sand
beneath a million stars
waves crashing, teal by day, invisible by night
Many many hours
laying in the sun,
floating in the sea,
swinging in the hammock
thinking about magic
observing the manifestations
of my mind
By the time I made it home last night I had zero ambition to shower
Instead I shoveled down a pint of strawberry cheesecake ben & jerrys
then went to sleep all beachy,
before the sun even crossed the horizon for the day...
and slept straight through dawn
I set off on this tropical camping excursion feeling somewhat flat
in desire of deeper clarity
wanting to breathe fresh life into my daily do
looking to shed some more layers
to expose some new vibrant skin
… and this morning
in the aftermath of extreme beaching,
I feel chill AF
readier than ever
Today I'm thinking about magic, as I re-read the Way of the Wizard for the umpteenth time... and I'm giddy with delight.
I can talk about deliberate reality creation from countless different perspectives, from many levels of reality, and from spans of sciences and religions and philosophies... not to mention personal experiences.
None more significant than the other, and all adding greater layers upon greater layers of understanding for my human.
But no other way of talking about deliberate reality creation excites my soul as much as when when I consider it from the perspective of MAGIC.
I wrote this little poetic musing the other day:
"I don't want to be smart,
I want to be wise.
I don't want to logically know of a truth,
I want to eat it, breathe it, sleep with it.
I don't want to simply speak knowledge,
I want to feel it tingling in my bones."
The truth is --
I can feel Magic TINGLING IN MY BONES.
Magic to me, is not some airy fairy mystical thing. It's clear...
Over the years of experimenting with how I wanted to show up in service and in business, I’ve tried on a lot of different titles, like outfits, and none of them fit quite right.
Until I remembered what I actually am:
(an Urban Alchemist to be exact)
I relate, all the way down to the very core, with the alchemist as defined here in the Way of the Wizard:
"In the west a wizard is thought primarily to be a magician who practices alchemy, turning base metal into gold.
The word alchemy is really a code word: it stands for turning human beings into gold, turning our base qualities of fear, ignorance, hatred and shame into the most precious stuff there is: love & fulfillment.
So a teacher who can teach you how to turn yourself into a free, loving person by definition is an alchemist - and has always been one."
What I can’t NOT do
is merge the sacred & the profane,
unite the heavens and the earth ,
and turn the whole mess into a glimmering heap of gold.
There's a crazy divine dichotomy about deliberate reality creation...
And it is this:
You have no control
ALL THE CONTROL
at the same time.
You are the master of your universe, yes.
But you can't control anything that happens 'out there' when you're needing what's out there to be different than it is.
When you go to work BECOMING everything you're wanting, that's when you gain control over your circumstances and your external world morphs and bends right before your very eyes.
Until then, you're playing a fools game.
Until then, you're just a poser.
If you want to gain control of your world,
then you must redirect your attention, day in and day out, where your true power lies...
Ask yourself what you're wanting.
What are the components of your ultimate FUCK YEAH! life?
What is it that you're really REALLY wanting from those things? (Hint: it's not ever actually 'the thing')
Now ask yourself,
How can i become that
When you begin to embody THAT...
Many moons ago,
I got the words
‘You ARE what you seek”
tattooed on my ribcage
At the time that I etched this phrase into my skin I was experiencing a very painful exit from a romantic relationship
with a guy I’d had a crush on since the age of 13
It was a time when I was being stripped of all the rigid structures in which I’d secretly come to depend on for stability
This was a self initiated demolition project, mind you...
but it didn’t change the fact that everywhere I tried to step, the ground was crumbling beneath me and in all honesty, I was struggling to keep my bearings
I was in the in-between.
Not fully out of my old world,
and not fully in my new world yet either
“You ARE what you seek”
were the words that reminded me
I would never find what I was looking for
in that ever morphing world ‘out there’
It was a knowing I had, yet wasn’t able to fully embody at that point
It’s a truth I’ve had to...
Yesterday I was lying on the beach with my feet up on a floaty avocado that some random nice lady with teal dreadlocks gave to me, reading one of my favorite books of all time (it’s pretty much my manual for life) and I read this:
“Thoughts are timeless and forever. You can intend and create into the past just as effectively as you normally intend into the future -- many people never consider this possibility, yet it is a powerful and useful one”
~ Happy Pocket Full of Money
I’ve read this before a million times (because I’ve read this book a million times ←possibly a slight exaggeration) but this time I understood it differently than ever before.
This is the craziest observable thing to me about expansion… we can take one concept, study it forever, and always we’re understanding deeper upon deeper layers of it’s truth.
But I digress. Here’s exactly what I wrote on the beach in my journal about this...
I’ve been thinking A LOT lately about the compound effect of the thousands of seemingly meaningless moment to moment choices we make over the course of an average day.
We are literally free to focus on, to say, to think, to do ANYTHING we want… and with each of those choices, we activate the butterfly effect in our own lives.
I’m not trying to freak you out here and spin you into overwhelm about what the consequences of your choices are.
I get that it could feel that way
but the thing is,
it only feels that way when you haven’t allowed yourself to want what you really want.
It only seems daunting when you’ve not committed 1001% to engaging only with that which is in favor of what you desire the most.
For so long I was so directionless.
I had only vague longings that I didn’t really believe I could have anyways.
They were pipe dreams.
And so, I never intentionally made choices that were in alignment with those dreams.
I didn’t make my...
Last night I was watching a Neale Donald Walsch workshop that, judging from the pink floral interior of the conference room, had to have been from the early 80’s.
The decor was dated, but the message was timeless.
One of the things that popped out to me was something he said about Life beginning at the end of your comfort zone. I’ve heard it said in that exact way before a gazillion times… is this a NDW thing, or was he quoting someone else? Eh. doesn’t matter.
But he went on to say (and this is the part that really gets me) --
you should be making yourself uncomfortable at least 6 times a day.
GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE, he says.
Everything you want
the life you really want to live
is on the other side of comfort.
If you’re not getting uncomfortable
you’re not living.
If you’re not getting uncomfortable
you’re basically just waiting to die.
This really struck home with me.
I had a similar realization about 7 years...
Your work is your art in the world. Your god-source is your wealth.
I realize you've been trained otherwise.
I realize you've been told that you make money when you "clock in" and stop making money when you "clock out"
Now you're working -- Now you're living
This convoluted idea that your work is the source of your wealth, is how you ended up doing shit for money that you NEVER would have chosen if you didn't feel like you HAD to.
And if you have managed to allow yourself to show up and do your art, this twisted notion of work equals wealth, is how you end up putting so much damn pressure on your art, that you suffocate the damn thing.
Your art is that thing that continuously wants to spill forth from you - to which you affirm "you will never be able to support me"
And so, you push it to the side and focus head down on the thing you'd rather not do, but makes you money.
This is a dilemma, I know because
WHAT ABOUT REAL LIFE ??
WHAT ABOUT RESPONSIBILITIES??
WHAT ABOUT THE...
You’ve been drinking the i-create-my-reality-kool-aid and you’ve been eating LOA for breakfast every single morning.
Yet still, shit’s not quite working out for you the way you wish it would.
You’re surrounded by a what seems like a million and one others who are applying the exact same principles as you and getting every damn thing you’ve been wanting, meanwhile in your world -- NUTTIN’
you’re trying to celebrate their successes and not spin yourself into a jealous fit,
but deep down you’re wondering:
When will it be MY TIME, damnit?!
I did this for forever and a half too.
I feel your pain.
And I have the cure to your woe
(i only know this, because it’s what cured mine)
It’s deceptively simple
You may even reject the validity of it
That’s how simple it is
But you’ll come to find
the solutions to most of your perceived problems
are far less complex than you could have ever imagined.
Are you ready for it?
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