There was a time in my life when I didn't even vaguely know what truly loving myself felt like. It's not something I'd practiced for myself, witnessed, or even experienced from another human being... my reality was one riddled with disordered eating, addiction, co-dependency to pretty much everything, dysfunctional relationships, poverty; all symptoms of a lack of self-love.
I truly was clueless about "how to do it"
I once had a client come to me and say, WTF does "Love Yourself" even mean? ... and I realized that I was not the only one who was trying to love themselves from a fundamental non-understanding of what-the-fuck that even meant.
This is what I have come to understand, since then... and have actually grown quite passionate about sharing with others:
The truest of loves is a limitless love that's available to us all. It's the love that transcends ideas of right/wrong, good/bad, sacred/profane, appropriate/inappropriate, should/shouldn't. It's the love that sees all conditions, all circumstances, all journeys, all choices, all paths, all perspectives, all actions; as perfect & divine. It's the antidote to our sickness of separation. It's the truiest truth of what we all are.
This is a love that most of us humans have not really experienced much of, let alone embodied...
and it's what ALL of us (myself included) are still
learning - remembering - waking up to
The reason this word "love" is confusing and sometimes evokes perspectives & thoughts that don't feel the greatest is because we try to 'love others' when we haven't even learned how to love ourselves.
We function as fragmented humans attempting to fill ourselves up and make ourselves whole with the peoples & things 'out there'... which lends us to behaving in the name of "love" in a way that actually has nothing to do with LOVE.
LOVE is the understanding of your inherent completeness. it's the knowing of your already worthiness. it's the realization of your pervasive well-being. it's the remembrance of your cosmic empire. and even more than that it's the acceptance, the compassion, and the appreciation of all those times when you forget this truth & function from lack, separation, and incompleteness.
To ground this conversation and give us all some clarity, loving yourself means:
- taking radical responsibility for the totality of your reality, in the GENTLEST sort of way
- finding the absolute perfection of your past - ALL OF IT.
- having a softness for all the parts of you that feel wrong, not-enough, ashamed or guilty
- practicing what I like to call 'Active Compassion' - which is acceptance & appreciation of self NO MATTER WHAT reaction, situation, or circumstance you find yourself in
- calling upon the knowledge that you have always been doing the best you could at any given moment in time, and in fact your doing a hell of a job! celebrate yo'self!
- setting the intention to notice, and focus on, what's AMAZING about you
- opting out of the struggle, and allowing ease into your life
- acknowledging and saying yes to all your needs & desires, and then giving them to yourself
The most miraculous thing about the embodiment of self-LOVE, is that we are then capable of extending the same levels of conditionless compassion, acceptance, and appreciation to those around us.
The true love of self is the only thing that will remedy our "incompleteness" and fundamental misunderstanding of how to love others.
... and when enough of us devote ourselves to this worthy pursuit, it WILL usher us into an entirely new paradigm of love.
To love yourself is the end of trying to "get" anything from anyone or anything. It is the liberation of self & others to the highest degree. It is the one thing that will set us all free.
NO LIMITS. JUST LOVE.
~ Chandra Nicole
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