Shapeshifter Day 79 - death of the human
Dec 30, 2019
I'm getting what I've been asking for
My human consciousness is burning itself alive - cannibalizing itself - and I must let it happen if true liberation is what I really desire.
If I let the process play out,
it will be the source of its very own destruction.
I must sit still in the fires of my own alchemy as they burn away all that I once thought I was and all that I once identified so thoroughly with.
Yet there are parts of me that want to resist the process
there are parts of me that want to hold it all intact
small + limited, yet recognizable and safe
There is a voice inside my head as I type these words that tell me to just keep pretending to be a human and to keep dumbing myself down...
because "I'll be better received that way",
because "I'll make more money that way"
because the others will never be interested in my crazy Godself, because "I'll be entirely too wild and unlogical for them to handle"
... "better keep it human and identifiable and quantifiable",
it says, protesting for its life and quite literally trying to talk me out of my greatness.
This voice is really fucking convincing
This voice is representing all my deepest and darkest desires and their associated fears.
...and if I give in to this voice - yes, I receive immediate relief because she'll go back underground where she runs my life without me being aware of it - and in doing so, I stop the death process, I opt out of my greatness and I reaffirm the limitation my human so clearly needs to survive.
If I do not give in to this voice - if I sit still and aware in the emotional fires she brings without attempting to extinguish them, she will quite literally burn herself down to the ground and cease to exist...
My most liberated and lucid dream expression to date.
This is the death process that we must all go through if we want what we say we really want.
Her limited paradigms, identities, and ideals must go up in smoke, for the unlimited wHoly Human to be born and reveal herself.
This process is not comfortable...
but it is ultimately liberating.
In moments like these, when it feels like the worlds I've so carefully constructed are engulfed in flames and crumbling around me, I always like to bring myself back to this remembrance...
Nothing real can be threatened
herein lies the peace of God.
it's only my illusions that can be burned away,
what's true will always remain.
I am the light and the way.
all that burns away, was only shieling me from this truth...
and so I let it burn as I sit, unscathed in the fires.
I share this experience with you,
because becoming lucid and shapeshifting into your desired states is not always pleasant and it's not always comfy and sometimes you feel like you just can't even bear it...
yet if you remain still, if you don't flee the scene, if you don't buy into the tales, and if you just allow yourself to simply feel it all and emote if you must...
You will rise up from the ashes in all your infinite glory and divine magic, purified from what was never even you in the first place.