I got a text message from my mom this morning that said, “Hi baby girl. I don't mean to pry, it's your life, However, I read one of Aaron's posts and I got the impression that maybe you are breaking up?”
I didn’t respond because the story leading up to this question felt too complicated to tell in an iMessage, and paradoxically the answer to that question felt too simple to make any sense without the story.
I've been feeling like I've wanted to talk about my relationship with Aaron for awhile now, but I didn't for two reasons; the first being because I didn't wish to infringe on his privacy by sharing details that involved him, the second being that I've been in kind of a long season of processing our experience together.
I'm still in that season to be honest, however, at this time to share about it here feels like a powerful next step towards the end of this particular season.
So Mother, thank you for the message this morning, which inspired this post 😉
There are three answers I have for you -
one is long.
one is short.
one is divine.
So, I’ll begin with
THE LONG ANSWER -
A little less than two weeks ago I found myself muttering out loud the words, "I'm Done" -- which are the words that both Aaron and I had been secretly muttering to ourselves for months.
We'd been teetering on the edge of this moment for quite some time, but to speak these words out loud and actually mean them, was not something that either of us wanted to do.
You see, there has been deep love & wisdom present in our relationship that we’ve brushed up against many times, in which our highest councils have spoken and our potentials have shone through, yet we were unable to fully embody because there was also deep wounding present, which we greatly allowed to run the show.
And I think those "moments of brilliance", as Aaron referred to them, were what we were grasping at and using as an excuse to not let go of our relationship as it stood.
This potential became an "idea" of us which we both fantasized about, but were really struggling to realize.
Funnily enough, we were both very aware of the fact that the purpose of our union was to call forth our deepest hurts to be healed. It did indeed pull them up profoundly - but for some reason we found ourselves struggling to transcend them.
Part of what got us so stuck was our willingness to allow the lower councils to be a predominant voice in our relating.
Something that this experience has shown me is that in order for the voice of the low council to fade away, one literally has to be willing for everything associated with that voice to die.
We had to be willing to walk away.
For so long, I wasn't willing to walk away from Aaron and I's relationship because I was scared to lose him. I was so scared to lose him that I even was willing to entertain self denial + self sacrifice... and he did the same.
These were our voices of lack, limitation, and fear which I'm referring to here as the Low Council.
Where this voice is allowed to prevail, the purest expressions of love wither.
In order to transcend the low council,
we had to be willing to walk away in favor of a higher council; a voice which represented true freedom, deep soul knowing, and limitless love but was also accompanied by unknown outcomes (which the low council loathes, btw)
We had to be willing to lose it all, and we had to really fucking mean it.
It got to the point, where I personally just couldn't do what we were doing anymore - neither of us could, and on my birthday I drew a line in the sand and I stepped over it for both of us.
The one very consistent commonality that Aaron and I share, is our value of true freedom.
This is a freedom that far exceeds location or lifestyle or financials...
it's the freedom of remembering our divinity, knowing there truly are no limits and that none of this dream is ultimately real. It's the freedom of shamelessly and freely loving, without conditions or controls, attachments or expectations.
And the very real truth is that we came to the relationship still really functioning from a lot of paradigms that were not honoring of this highest value in realm of romance.
This is all a really long way to say, that at some point you must choose which council you're going to dream awake...
and we've made the decision to dream awake the voice of the high council, whatever it takes.
This often involves the willingness to wipe the slate completely clean and start over.
It requires the surrendering of all circumstances, thoughts, words, and feelings that do not match what your wisdom is whispering into your heart -
and to be honest, this can be low-key terrifying.
You must draw upon the wherewithal to witness the voice of fear and rise above it. My daughter McKenzie actually wrote a really brilliant post yesterday about this, which I shared as Day 12 of Shapeshifter.
But here's the really magical, time bendy, shapeshifty aspect of this all, which is my favorite part of the story and the reason I love this work I do in my own life, as well as support others with and it is this:
Something really miraculous happens when you honor the voice of your high council, and become 1000% willing to lose it all in full faith that there is something greater working itself out.
It's a wild paradox of creation which cannot be half assed. You REALLY have to being to willing to surrender the low council and all it's associated manifestations in order for this to work. It's an energetic thing which cannot be faked. Energy never lies.
but the magical paradoxical payoff of this willingness is this:
most of the time,
you don't even have to lose
what you're willing to walk away from.
And if it does take on the appearance of "going away" it's with full knowing in your heart that something divine is working itself out.
This brings me to
THE SHORT ANSWER -
Which is, YES.
Aaron and I did break up.
Which quickly leads me to
THE DIVINE ANSWER -
love can never be lost.
And all we are is love.
The only thing that can ever be lost is fear, lack and limitations.
I think A Course In Miracles says it best in its opening passage:
Nothing real can be threatened
Nothing unreal exists
Herein lies the peace of God
Someone recently left a comment on a post Aaron made, which I really appreciated and it said something to the effect of this:
“Once you have truly loved someone you always will, and love is more than enough, regardless of the label or status of the relationship.”
So the best way I know to sum this up, is that although Aaron and I have indeed “broken up", we have great unbreakable love for one another.
We've chosen to surrender the low councils desire to own, possess, and source through one another and as a result the dynamics of our relating are shapeshifting, shuffling around and reorganizing themselves to align with our highest truth of freedom, including its associated councils and circumstances.
Whatever that ends up looking like from the outside we cannot foresee at this time, however I'm fairly certain it will never fit into a tidy box or label ever again.
What we're really breaking up with is our own limitations, and as always, the dreamscape will reflect that back to us in the most magical ways and with cosmic perfection, as commanded by universal law.
In that we trust,
forever and fully.
NO LIMITS. JUST LOVE.
~ Chandra Nicole
If you feel that working directly with me would helpful for you on your own personal Shapeshifter Adventure, CLICK HERE to learn more about the work I do with my clients.
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