I broke a pattern yesterday & I’m really fucking proud of myself

Jul 20, 2018

I was having a challenging day and I didn’t want to show up for my business, I didn’t feel like showing up for my people.

 

I was feeling frustrated and sad and I really just wanted to retreat to tend to my wounds.

 

I didn’t feel like writing, I didn’t feel like live-streaming, I didn’t feel like mentoring... I just DID NOT FEEL LIKE IT. But I fucking did it anyways.

 

Do you want to know why?

 

Because I’ve made a decision to not allow my emotions rule me or deter me from what I say is most important to me.

 

One of the things that are most important to me is my “work” as a messenger.

 

It’s grown to be of utmost importance to me that I go to bed each & every night feeling emptied out, as if I’ve given every last ounce that I could have possibly contributed that day.

 

This is utterly satisfying & meaningful to me.

 

It’s my flow zone.

It’s an expression of my connection to the divine.

It’s fulfilling, it’s expansive, it’s liberating AF.

 

...and I desire to do it MORE.

 

I’ve realized that if I let one little emotion - one circumstance - stop me from doing what I love, then what’s to stop the next emotion, or the next circumstance, or the next, or the next... from getting in my way??

 

I could literally waste an entire life tending to “fires” that way, and never really get around to what I say I value.

 

I see people do it all the time.

 

It’s a prioritization of distraction and a perpetuation of excuse that I’m simply not willing to engage with anymore.

 

And so, yesterday I showed up.

I wrote.

I live-streamed.

 

I didn’t feel like it and I didn’t want to do it, but what I did want is opt out of an old a school of thought that I have to “feel” like doing something before I do it...

 

and I wanted to send a message-in-a-bottle to the universe that I AM HERE & I’M DOING THIS DAMN THING.

 

It wasn’t necessarily earth shattering content that I unleashed upon the world yesterday, but it was a powerful prayer of devotion. It was a statement of principality. It was a staking of my flag in the ground with a solid commitment to do-my-do... NO MATTER WHAT.

 

I am a messenger and I must deliver my message, rain or shine.

 

Truthfully, I know this makes what I share even more authentic. More raw. More vulnerable. More real.

 

...and what I don’t care to do, is present to you a polished version of myself. I want to give you the real deal.

 

So yesterday, I made good with my desire and I solidified a bond with my destiny.

 

To me, this is the end of an era of backing down & the beginning of a whole new era of SHOWING THE FUCK UP, bigger than ever before.

 

Today, I am a completely different me than I was yesterday. It’s palpable. It’s visceral. It’s real.

 

And it so, because I chose it.

 

NO LIMITS. JUST LOVE.

💫 Chandra Nicole