It's the first morning of the New Years here in Bali, and as I sit here reflecting upon the fresh energy of 2021, one thing is clearer than day to me;
I can have anything I want.
You can have anything you want.
We call all have anything we want.
I say this not because the past year was the easiest year for me (or for any of us), in fact, it was really fucking challenging in a whole lot of ways... but it is precisely these challenges that enabled me to now understand so clearly what is available to us all.
I am stronger now than I ever knew possible because I have been weak.
I am more fearless now than ever before because I have been afraid.
I am deeply wise now because I have been so damn foolish.
For the first time in my life, I love that I have been all these things... and because of that, I can see so clearly that love is the way.
... and, I understand more than ever what love actually is and is not.
Love is not an airy-fairy thing - it's fierce in its acceptance of all things...
When I was a teenager I used to joke around with my friends that when I grew up I wanted to be a motivational speaker by day and a slutty lounger singer by night.
I said it in jest, yet, there was a certain sort of truth in it I didn’t realize at the time.
The lounger singer bit was obvious, seeing as how singing was my life up until I began rebelling against my very self and all the things I loved for the sake of ‘freedom’. The pursuit of freedom became my one and only love, at the expense of everything else… but, that’s another story for another time.
The slutty singer vision I held had nothing to do with promiscuity per-say, and everything to do with slithering around on top of a baby grand, making love to my microphone in a slinky, sequin laden dress with a plunging neckline.
Why I thought I might be a motivational speaker is quite a headscratcher though, as I’m certain nothing I did in high-school was even remotely...
So many spiritual, self-aware women over the years have expressed to me some variation of; It’s too late for me. I’ve wasted so much time. I should have this figured out by now.
Which then quickly leads to; What the hell am I doing with my life, and how do I turn this all-around quickly?
I understand it completely as an existential crisis of which I, personally, have had many.
Traditionally, we may have referred to this experience as a mid-life crisis… but you might be surprised to know that these women who’ve come to me have ranged greatly in age.
It’s become clear that in these modern times, especially for those of us on a spiritual path, we have our existential crisis’ earlier and more often.
I certainly didn’t just save my mid-life crisis for mid-life… I had one in my mid-twenties, one in my early thirties, and then again at the start of my forties.
With each “crisis” I experienced, I was faced with my limited ideas about...
This past week I had a birthday (42nd, if your inquiring mind wants to know )
I had a whole day of activities lined up in celebration of my self, but my festivities were cut short when at 10:30 am, on my way to the spa, I got into a scooter accident.
Instead of the revelry I had intended, I wound up at the hospital for Xrays and stitches and I spent the day in a heap of physical pain.
At first, I was like, what-in-the-actual-fuck! It's my birthday man, why today of all days?! Lol
However, I have come to be a firm believer that things don't "just happen" to me.
As challenging as it may be to accept sometimes, I know there is always, always, always a deeper purpose for everything that occurs in my life which is serving my highest desires, and working to activate my greatest potential.
When I am able to suspend my judgments of what is occurring, the wisdom always reveals itself.
There are many things that this somewhat dramatic birthday helped me to become aware of...
One is just how...
If you make money the source of your value, your worthiness, your wealth... you’re in for a very bumpy, rollercoaster of a financial ride.
(I know this cuz I’ve done it)
The thing is, deep down you’ve always known that someday you would be rich, and maybe you’ve even known that fucktons of money is *meant* to be yours.
And the truth is, YES! you get to be wildly wealthy; it is your divine birthright...
but know this:
you’re just as worthy & valuable now as you will be when you have the millions and in fact, if you don’t feel worthy before the money, no amount of cash in the bank will ever fill the gaping hole in your heart where the value of your own self-love should be.
I know many people with lots of money, who are miserable... perhaps you’re one of them?
If you want to be truly, sustainably rich, you must Love Yourself Wealthy.
Be rich in person first, fill yourself up on your own intrinsic, unconditional value... and then eventually, it will...
Never settle for something that is not a perfect fit.
This has been a big, and hard-learned lesson for me.
There have been so many things over the years that have looked perfect on paper, and made complete sense to my logical mind and my heart, even...
yet, whenever I dove deeper into them, they were at total odds with my intuition.
Something just didn’t quite fit right, and I could feel it, even if I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was.
Kind of like when you’re doing a puzzle, and a piece looks like it should totally fit but at a closer glance you realize that in order to make it do so, you have to jam it into place, and even then, it’s still clearly off, even if only by a fraction.
That misplaced piece throws the whole rest of your puzzle and actually makes it impossible to finish.
It’s the same with putting together the components of your life.
I personally have historically (and predominantly) done this in both business & romance.
I have loved...
I just spent the past three days having the most epic celebration for my daughter, McKenzie’s, 21st birthday...
including all-you-can eat sushi on a rooftop overlooking Seminyak here in Bali, a spa day with Facials and sauna, a decadent brunch & beach sesh, oceanside Sangrias at a vibey club, and pizza at our favorite Italian spot in Canggu.
My belly & heart are full.
I’m so grateful that I have all the time in the world to spend with the people I love, enjoying the worldly pleasures that make life so worthwhile...
That’s kind of the whole point, right?
I feel extra grateful because not all too long ago, I was really struggling to find the point of it all and I was feeling depressed and unexcited about living.
Now, I’m finally doing what I’m meant to be doing in business, I’m enjoying the fuck out of myself, and I couldn’t be more excited about life.
I do not believe that life is about just getting by. I do not believe...
I have a soft spot in my heart for spiritual entrepreneurs.
I know how arduous the path of breathing life into a business of your very own can often be.
To build something, out of nothing... not really knowing exactly what you're doing; feeling your way around in the dark, vulnerably baring your soul around every turn.
I understand what it's like to do all-the-things yet feel as if the needle barely moves.
I know what it's like to fall face down and have to pick yourself up again, and again, and again.
And I also know what's it's like to be aware that there's no way in hell you can ever give up because you'd sooner die than give up on your dreams.
This is a path less traveled for a reason...
because it will expose you to everything you ever thought you were, it will put you face to face with your deepest fears, and it will dare you to become greater than you could have ever imagined you could be.
It will require you to surrender the small mind of the follower in order to become the leader...
From a very young age I could not make sense of the way things were being done in the world around me; with all of the planning, and schooling, and rules, and collecting of things. I was never one of those girls who spent her childhood dreaming of her wedding and naming her future babies.
I never even thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I most certainly was not ever motivated by money, accolades, or prestigious titles.
I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.
I wanted freedom.
Because of this, I was stamped as rebellious, troubled, and irresponsible.
Then at the age of 20, I had a baby and everything changed.
By virtue of being a member of society, I’d been imprinted with ideas of what makes a good parent and what makes a bad parent. Because I was madly in love with this little girl, I tried vigorously to shake myself free of the labels from my youth, so as to be the best Mama possible.
I tried my damnedest to be a ‘stand-up...
When I was 31 years old, death became my savior.
I had reached a crux of my adult life which featured me, in the same red wine and tear-stained light blue yoga pants I'd been wearing for a week straight. Unable to make myself get off the couch and do this thing my midwestern upbringing was telling me to do...
You know, that thing with the job and the weekends and the marriage and the once-a-year vacations and the retirement.
All the people around me seemingly had found contentment in the simplicity of this lifestyle, but I knew in my heart there was something different for me.
I'd been knowing this for many years actually, but I was scared.
You see, back then I wasn't equipped with the trust I have now in my own creative capacities or in the perfection of the universe. I was so damn scared that it would backfire on me... that I'd be a fool to stray from what 'works'. I was scared that I would fail.
But do you know what I was even more scared of?
I was terrified of living a life that...
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